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[lan_wangji]

"Mm," Lan Zhan hums, squeezing Wei Ying's hand before he pulls it in for a kiss. He is too disgusting and disease ridden to offer a proper kiss but he can give him this.

"Wei Ying is patient and good. So good to Lan Zhan. Wei Ying is good at loving me."

He shifts, pressing more tightly to his side, ignoring the uncomfortable heat in favor of the pleasure of being this close. He hopes the house will be finished very soon.

"That," he suddenly announces nodding towards the next page. "That one." They are using a mirror. Wei Ying would sit on Lan Zhan, facing the mirror. Lan Zhan would be able to see everything, perfectly. He would be able to see every part of Wei Ying.

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[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian studies the image, brow furrowed. "I would be on top," he muses. Are his thighs strong enough to sustain such a position for long? Perhaps he should attempt to exercise. Jiang Cheng was always so obsessed with trying to become stronger, Wei Wuxian could attempt some of the exercises he performed in the privacy of the riverbanks.

Still, the thought of Lan Zhan's eyes on him - all of him - brings a new flush to his cheeks. "Alright," he agrees, pausing a moment. "But I'd like to see your face, too. At least the first time. I've been thinking about that, too."

[lan_wangji]

He nods, holding Wei Ying's hand to his own, hot face as he thinks about it. He would want to see Wei Ying's face, as well, if nothing else because he is certain he could lose himself in such pleasure. He thinks that is the sort of thing that could finally allow him to let go, and he's afraid of how intense his passion could be.

"Want to know. Tell me what you have been thinking."

[yiling_laozu]

"Mostly formless things," Wei Wuxian answers. "Moments. Images. What you will look like when I take you in. You won't be able to hide, I think." He drags his fingertip over Lan Zhan's still too flushed cheek.

"I will see everything you're feeling. Often I can only see it in your eyes," he adds, teasing.

[lan_wangji]

"Wei Ying is good at knowing me," he confirms, smiling softly up at Wei Ying's lovely face. Lan Zhan does not know how he has ever been so fortunate as to have such a man as his own.

"Before you, only brother could read me. I want to lose control with Wei Ying. I want Wei Ying to see everything. Not good at saying things so I want to be good at showing them."

[yiling_laozu]

"You do show them," Wei Wuxian insists, though he knows what Lan Zhan means. He shows his feelings through his actions, through sharp words and soft ones, but rarely with his face. "Have you ever come close?" he asks curiously. "To losing control. Ah."

He touches Lan Zhan's robe, the brand lying beneath it. "Sober, I mean."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan lays his hand over Wei Ying's pressing them into his chest as he thinks about his answer.

"Came close when I hurt the thirty three elders," he finally states, remembering well the white hot rage, the despair. But in the end, all thirty three had been left alive and Lan Zhan knows he could have killed all of them. In that moment, had he allowed himself, he could have killed each and every one of them.

"When I was younger, I came close to losing my temper with Wei Ying many times. Wei Ying has always been the only thing that unmoored me. Good for me. But I do not understand how one regains control once it is lost. It's frightening."

Watching Wei Ying lose control, watching it all spin completely out of control until everything had been lost had only increased the fear. It had all slipped away so violently.

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian releases the book to stroke Lan Zhan's hair. "I've never had much control," he admits. "When a good idea comes to me, it feels like I'll burst if I don't act. It doesn't matter if something bad happens because of it. Or," he amends, "It didn't use to."

He quiets, thoughts following the path of Lan Zhan's own. He hadn't thought, he'd simply believed and hoped, and Yiling had fallen apart taking many bodies with it. "I have no control, and you have too much. Perhaps we'll balance out, Lan Zhan."

[lan_wangji]

"We already balance out well, we are well suited," Lan Zhan states, eyes drooping shut at the soft touch to his hair. He feels terrible, really, ill and increasingly achy but to lie with Wei Ying like this and be given permission to simply rest is wonderful.

"Wei Ying deserves more credit. Has more control than he thinks. Intentions are always good."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian hums. Apart from the day he learned the Wen clan had been killed, on that much, he agrees. "I have more in my second life," he says. "I didn't notice it until I spent time with the juniors. If I was a terror in my youth, Jin Ling is nearly hopeless," he laughs. "But I believe I taught him a few things."

He rubs Lan Zhan's aching scalp with his fingertips. "Do you need anything? Surely the medicine will help soon."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan wants to hear about it all. He wants to hear all of the stories of Wei Ying's adventures without him. He wants to hear about A-Yuan and this Jin Ling but he cannot keep his eyes open with Wei Ying's warmth and fingers in his hair.

"Just Wei Ying," he mutters, fading rapidly and relieved to do so. "Stay here," he manages before starting to sink down into sleep. He feels warm and safe and indulged and it is wonderful, in spite of the illness.