For Wei Ying

[lan_wangji]

Filling the day is not the problem for Lan Wangji. His days have been filled, all his life, with every minute accounted for. One rose at precisely 5AM, had tea and a small meal, cleaned one's self and then began morning meditations. The rest of the day was filled with physical training, studies, and practical application. After the evening meal and bath, a meditation focusing on reflecting on one's progress and behavior was completed and notes made before falling asleep at precisely 9PM.

These things can, in some way or another, be done in this place as well. The course of studies are very different as are the practical application. They are...disappointing, largely. Every day reveals some new way he is weaker and duller and unable to provide to the world what he once could. He might have been cold and not particularly liked but he was unparalleled in skill. Here, well. Here he does not know quite who he is or ought to be. Wei Ying points out often, that not all of the 3000 rules he grew up under need apply so literally. But parsing through 3000 rules, some he holds very dear, and making such determinations feels impossible some days.

The days when he cannot make those decisions, he wanders without aim. This is definitely against the rules. He likes the market, early in the morning before the crowds have descended. At this time of day it is only himself and those out gathering supplies for the day's meals. He'd rarely gone to market in Caiyi Town, disliking the bustle and the stares and the comments he was clearly meant to overhear. But no one cares who he is, here. If anyone finds his silence off-putting they do not say so. He is looking over various trinkets, bits of leather and bone fashioned into jewelry when he sees an array of combs. He does not know where the impulse comes from, only that he has hazy memories of styling Wei Ying's hair (he really must never drink again). He takes it without another thought, horrified at the lack of payment system but determined to find a way to make it up to the merchant. It is a purchase born entirely out of impulse and affection rather than need, another rule broken.

A few quick strokes with a small knife have inlaid a small protection charm, likely useless in this place but he thinks Wei Ying will appreciate it. He has no idea how he will go about giving it to him but he wraps it up in a piece of cloth and heads over to Heimdall District, feeling light and not a little unsettled.

"Wei Ying," he sends through the bizarre bracelet contraption. "Am in Heimdall. May I come to the Haus?"

Comments

[yiling_laozu]

"Ah," Wei Wuxian hums. "Lan Zhan didn't show me them. At least, not on purpose. You were in the cold pool without your inner robes and I saw them. Much later, your brother told me what was done to you. I still don't understand why he let them to that to you, broken rules or no. If someone tries to hurt you like that again," he says, his voice light and yet entirely serious, "I'll kill them."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan is struck speechless for long moments, not expecting such an answer. He had guessed that Wei Ying had someone seen them or heard of his punishment through rumor but that his brother...

"Brother told," he chokes, swallowing down something complicated, something he thinks might feel like betrayal but might just be his own pride. He'd have taken the scars to his grave; he'd never meant for Wei Ying to know of them.

"Not his decision to stop or not stop. I knew punishment when I fought the elders. Chose it," he says, fog lifting to reveal Wei Ying's angry face. "Chose Wei Ying."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian won't argue again the folly of loyalty to a dead man. What's been done is done and Wangji's heart is his own. Still..."Suffering often followed in my wake," he says, more tired than regretful. Life would be so much simpler if the good could be left to live their lives in peace.

"I don't know Lan Xichen's mind," he admits, "But I believe he meant to help you, lest you suffer endlessly in silence."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan nods, gaze dropping to the water as he thinks about his brother. He misses him, very much. He would like his guidance in this new place.

"Good brother," he says, raising his eyes to trees taller and wilder than he has city just outside the city. "Didn't want you told but if Brother told it was for my good. Always tried to care for me. Did not often let him."

He'd thought for a very long time that it was out of self-sufficiency but he's quite sure it was about his own pride. He wishes he could thank him.

"What was the happy one?"

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian's mouth is open to tell Lan Wangji that he becomes Chief Cultivator, but that would mean telling him of poor Lan Xichen's heartbreak and seclusion. He thinks of telling him of Nie Huiasang's secret brilliance, but that would require telling him of Nie Mingjue's horrific death. He might tell him of how well the juniors have flourished under Lan Wangji's instruction, but that might invoke Yi City.

"My nephew," he finally says, "Shijie's son, he's grown into a fine gentleman. Headstrong and rash and prone to fits of temper, but how else could he be with that uncle of his?" Wei Wuxian smiles through the thinning fog. "He has great potential. Shijie would be proud of him."

[lan_wangji]

"Lady Jiang was very good, very kind," he says, remembering her patience with Lan Wangji, even when he had not liked Wei Ying and her indulgence after he did.

It is the thought of her that makes Lan Zhan realize he does not think he has ever spoken of her to Wei Ying, since their arrival. The thought of losing his brother in such a way is painful enough but in the context of Wei Ying having already lost so much it is far too much for one person to bear.

"I'm sorry, Wei Ying. Sorry you lost your shijie. Sorry I did not say so, sooner."

[yiling_laozu]

He hasn't expected this, and Wei Wuxian feels his eyes go hot. He looks determinedly out over the water, new strength in his arms as the oars carve through the water. "I didn't deserve her," he says. "I brought her ruin, and all she did was love me."

Sniffing once, Wei Wuxian grinds one of the oars downward so that the boat spins, sailing swiftly enough that the bow drags up the shore. They come to a lurching halt, at which point Wei Wuxian leans forward, correcting the suddenly disordered fall of Lan Wangji's robes with something like chagrin.

"Come. I want to explore."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan wants to argue, wants to force Wei Ying to believe it wasn't his fault and that he deserved her and more. Wei Wuxian deserves everything good. But he can't get the words out, can't figure out how to say it and by the time he opens his mouth Wei Ying has forced the boat onto the shore and the moment has passed them by.

He nods, rising smoothly and grabbing Bichen. "Adventure," he says softly, stepping to the front of the boat to hop onto the shore. "Do not go past where I can see you."