For Wei Ying - stalking

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji is a good tracker. He is observant and methodical and incredibly quiet. However, as good as he may be at finding things, Wei Wuxian is excellent at not being found.

He is not adapting as well as he might like, although he is unsurprised. Wei Ying is much better at such things. This place too crowded and loud and artificial. He longs for the fresh, cold air of Gusu and the solitude of the back mountain. But this is the place that has given him back Wei Ying so he will endure the stares from strangers and the chaos and the discomfort.

But first, he must figure out this puzzle. Where is Wei Ying? He has traveled to the building listed as his dwelling but has never found him there, even in the middle of the night. He has taken to asking the dead for information and tracks resentful energy through endless walks around the perimeter of the city and it all seems to point to one area of this place.

He ought to have known. He arrives at the border of the cemetery long after dark, white robes shining under the moonlight but uninterested in hiding himself. He wants to find Wei Ying and be found.

Comments

[yiling_laozu]

He rarely sleeps anymore.

It's worse the more he uses the Stygian Tiger Seal's power, and since arriving in Darrow Wei Wuxian has all but clung to it, using the dark, familiar energy almost as a talisman against the strange and confusing new world he's landed in. He's awash in its power, but even a cultivator's body has its limits.

It's taken many days, but the exhaustion in his bones has finally grown enough to drown out the ever present buzzing in his mind, and Wei Wuxian is dozing, his slight body slumped against one of the broader headstones. Even in slumber, his fingertips keep twitching, dragging closer to Chenqing in increments as the sense of something creeping closer grows.

[lan_wangji]

He is unsure what he thought he would find, but it is not this. Not Wei Ying, looking deathly pale and gaunt as the moonlight shines off his white face, slumped against a headstone. The dead all spoke of this place, of Wei Ying in this place and Lan Zhan has methodically staked out his dwelling at different days and times since he was well enough to do so. Wei Ying is sleeping here. Wei Ying is living here.

He stalks up to him, hands folded behind his back as he calls out, softly. "Wei Ying."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian startles awake only seconds before Lan Wangji's quiet voice breaks the silence of the graves, and he struggles upright, Chenqing held before him even as the world spins. He throws out a hand, steadying himself against the headstone - and has the audacity to grin when he sees it's only Lan Wangji standing there.

"I hope you don't want tea."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan does not dignify that with a response, only ticks up one eyebrow and suppresses an exhausted sigh. He does not know how to make Wei Ying understand his overwhelming concern if he will not even hear of the reality of his death.

"Why are you sleeping the cemetery?" he asks, mouth pinched as he looks around for anything like a proper dwelling. "Specifically, why are you sleeping here every night?"

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian shrugs, dismayed to find the world spinning once more with the movement. He leans back against the headstone, adopting a relaxed pose as it takes his weight. "I don't like my apartment," he says. "It's not quite as ugly as yours, though. You could have it, if you want."

[lan_wangji]

"I dislike mine as well but that does not mean I would choose to live exposed to the elements in a place of death," he states, dropping to his knees as he scans Wei Ying's form for any obvious maladies, apart from a generally unhealthy pallor.

"You should sleep in a bed, even if it is a strange one."

He takes a moment, pulling out his qiankun pouch and settling two meat pastries in front of Wei Ying that he'd purchased earlier in the day in case they were needed.

"What is the real reason you live here?"

[yiling_laozu]

He snorts, turning away for a moment before the pastries draw him back. "Where have I been living for years, Lan Zhan?" he asks, dealing as usual in half truths. "The dead are familiar to me, far moreso than that too bright room with its cold air and screaming lights. I'm used to sleeping on straw, a bed is too soft for me now."

[lan_wangji]

"But Wei Ying is not exiled or hunted or protecting anyone, here," he reasons, sliding the pastries a little closer in hopes that they will entice Wei Ying to eat.

"Not healthy to live among such energies when there is another way," he tries, resisting the temptation to try and simply pick Wei Ying up and move him out of this place. "Can find Wei Ying a new home, not the one you dislike."

[yiling_laozu]

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian smiles, reaching for the kindly offered pastries. "You don't need to look out for me so. I'm not dying." He knows Lan Wangji believes otherwise, and Wei Wuxian would feel awful were their positions reversed, anxious and miserable every moment he thought Lan Wangji unsafe. He hates that his friend feels this way now.

"I promise. Please don't worry so much."

[lan_wangji]

"But you did," he says, unable to help himself. It is infuriating that Wei Ying is not fighting harder to avoid it, at least not that Lan Zhan can determine. Everything went wrong until too much had happened for Wei Ying to want to live, anymore. He must stop it from happening again.

"This place is a second chance for you. For us. But other night, with my back you -" his voice fails for a moment, "Could feel the resentful energy. It is hurting you. Should not live among it, anymore."

[yiling_laozu]

He buries his wince with a hearty bite of pastry, actually moaning when the rich flavor bursts against his tongue. "This is meat," he realizes, looking up in surprise. He'd expected naught but vegetables from Lan Wangji.

"I was angry," he says as if that explains it. He'd been enraged, and he lost control. It happens more than he likes to admit, but it isn't going to kill him. "It was too much, perhaps, knowing that your own clan hurt you after the stress of arriving here."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan allows a small huff of frustration before trying tactics as Wei Ying seems determined to reside in this terrible place and he knows he is not yet strong enough to bodily force him out.

He will eat when presented with food, at least.

"Tell me if it happens again," he implores. "Can try guqin, again. You look unwell. Can try healing songs, songs to sleep. I can compose what Wei Ying needs."

[yiling_laozu]

Half the pastry now between his bulging cheeks, Wei Wuxian pauses. "You have songs that might help me sleep?" It makes sense, now that he considers it. Lan Xichen had calmed a whole host of Wen dogs once, and Wen Qing had used her flute on her own bewitched clan members.

"I hardly can anymore."

[lan_wangji]

"Do you know why?" he asks, nodding as he mentally catalogs every single song he knows and makes immediate plans to compose more if none of them prove sufficient.

He knows why, or at least he suspects he does, but pointing such things out to Wei Ying has not seemed to work, thus far. It must come from him, up to the point that Lan Zhan can no longer stand it.

"If Wei Ying would like, I can play them. But you should not sleep here, against the dead."

[yiling_laozu]

He would dearly love to sleep, but not in that awful room. "What about the park?" he asks. The night is clear, and Wei Wuxian enjoys the sound of the river that reminds him of happier times. "You must miss being out in nature," he wheedles. "And we can't go far into the forest at all before the enchantment drags us back again."

[lan_wangji]

He thinks this over for a moment before deciding he ought not push to bring Wei Ying back to Lan Zhan's own, terrible apartment. The park at night does sound refreshing and with far better energies than Wei Ying's current residence of choice.

"Mn," he agrees, nodding as he nods at the second pastry. "If Wei Ying agrees to stay in the park with me throughout the entire night. And eats that remaining food."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian wastes no time in grabbing it, ravenous now that he's tasted proper food. He can sustain himself well enough with inedia, but food, especially succulent meat, is far better. "I wish I had wine," he murmurs, swallowing the last of the pastry before he begins to drag himself upright.

"I couldn't find any in any of the shops." At least, none that resembled the wine of home. "How am I to survive?"

[lan_wangji]

"Perhaps more healthily than before," he mutters. While Lan Zhan may not have any idea how much alcohol is a normal amount as any at all is forbidden, he suspects it is not to be drank like water, as Wei Ying does.

He notes that the pastries seem to be pleasing and makes note to find more such treats. Wei Ying must gain weight if he is to build back proper spiritual energy.

He stands gracefully despite the pull at his back and extends a hand. "If Wei Ying would like, I will find proper wine. But only if Wei Ying comes out of this place more often."

He actually has no idea how he means to achieve this, but achieve it he will, for Wei Ying.

[yiling_laozu]

Feeling safe enough with Lan Wangji at his side, Wei Wuxian tucks Chenqing into his belt, accepting the hand but refusing to let him pull too hard and worry his wounds. He looks out at the familiar headstones as they begin to walk, frowning at the lights of the city that shine beyond them.

"Do you think these people want me there?" he asks, his voice smaller than before. No one ever seems to want him anywhere, even when he's certain he's done no wrong. "I'm not like them, even less so than you."

[lan_wangji]

"How is Wei Ying less like them than Lan Wangji?" Lan Zhan spits, ready to attack anyone who would dare think such a thing. His hands, folded behind his back, clench as he tries to determine who could have made Wei Ying think such things.

The dead may know. He will ask.

"Wei Ying is curious and engaging. Approaches others and can speak his mind. Wei Ying can adapt to this strange place. I want Wei Ying here."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian smiles, a small, sad thing. "I walk a darker path than you, Light Bearing Lord." And even before he didn't, when his golden core still thrummed within him, Madam Yu had hated him, and the Wens, and Lan Wangji's dear uncle.

Whatever he does, he's come to expect that he'll be turned on eventually, making it all the more important that he not be separated from the Seal. It saved him in the Burial Mounds. It will surely save him here. "I did like some of the people I've spoken to here. Each one of them is so different than those we know at home."

[lan_wangji]

"Hanguang-Jun is not always what you think he is," he says, voice soft and sad as he glances over at Wei Ying's lovely face. "Wei Ying is not so dark. Wants to do good; wants to protect."

He purses his lips as he thinks about Wei Ying meeting people in this place. He is, as always, torn between wanting Wei Ying to be adored as he adores him by as many as possible and the ridiculous jealousy that accompanies it.

"Met a girl. Used to be dead. She was kind when I first arrived. She would like Wei Ying, also."

[yiling_laozu]

"The dead do like me best," says Wei Wuxian, smile as wry as it is sad now. It's strange to hear Lan Wangji's voice so quiet. He's reserved and often entirely silent, it's true, but he never sounds as if his own voice is an intrusion. He never sounds ashamed.

Wei Wuxian finds it gives him energy, not the dark sort that sustains him now, but an earnest one. Lan Wangji will not sound like that for long if Wei Wuxian can help it. "Are you going to tell me that you've broken one of your thousands of rules? If so, I am delighted."

[lan_wangji]

"Hanguang-Jun earned his punishment," he murmurs darkly, thinking with grim satisfaction the thirty three elders he had punished for daring to go after Wei Ying, even in death. He earned the mere two strikes he'd received.

"Is also jealous and a coward. Stood by rules for too long. Afraid to step apart as Wei Ying did."

[yiling_laozu]

For a few long moments Wei Wuxian simply keeps pace with him, stunned by those words. They are scathing, and even more astonishing, completely bare. He has heard Lan Wangji strip others with a few short words before, but never himself. Lan Wangji never lets anyone in, and now it's he himself who's allowed passage beyond those lofty walls.

He stops, catching Lan Wangji's wrist. "I don't know what you mean," he admits, "But you are wrong. Lan Zhan is the best person I know. You are wise and strong, you are..." Wei Wuxian pauses, struggling for the word. "My comfort."

Lan Wangji walks with him. And Lan Wangji will stop him, if Wei Wuxian falls too far. He will save him from the darkness even if it means killing him - he's known it since that night in the dark and the rain of Qiongqi path. "I know that I taint you," he says. "But I know that I need you, too."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan is surprised at the reaction, and stares down at Wei Ying's hand on his wrist before looking back up at his face, tinged with something like regret. That is entirely unacceptable.

"Wei Ying does not taint. Wei Ying illuminates. Challenges. Need Wei Ying," he insists, wishing he could open his mind and heart to him right here in this place. He wishes he could simply show Wei Ying his feelings and convictions without relying on the words Lan Zhan is so bad at forming.

"Want Wei Ying with me, always."

[yiling_laozu]

His earnest face is met with another frown. Lan Wangji never praises, certainly never in words, and now he's spoken volumes in comparison. Wei Wuxian keeps his careful grip around his wrist. "Because they beat you?" he asks, assuming Lan Wangji had avoided him so long at home because of his clan. "You would not stay even one night with me in Yiling, but now you want me with you, and always?"

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan ducks his head in shame. He'd left them that evening because he knew having gone at all had violated many rules, he'd known the punishment he'd receive and gladly accepted it. But he still left. He left them behind hungry and isolated and reviled and gone home to the safety of his sect.

"Want Wei Ying with me because I was wrong to leave. Was wrong not to help. Because I lost you and it hurt. Don't care that they beat me," he huffs, feeling that same desperation and anger that has burned in his chest since Wei Ying had fallen.

[yiling_laozu]

"Lan Zhan," says Wei Wuxian carefully. "You sound as I did when I took the remaining Wens from the Jin clan. You wouldn't so thoroughly turn your back on your clan, and I would never ask you to. I wanted you to stay, but only because I like your company."

He releases his wrist, daring to push an errant strand of hair over Lan Wangji's shoulder. "Many people did not help me. My own family turned away from me. You shouldn't be ashamed or say such unkind things about yourself."

[lan_wangji]

"I am not other people," he snaps, looking up only to see Wei Ying brushing his hair back. It sends a small thrill through him, one that he knows is shameful as Wei Ying has no idea of the way that he feels. Wei Ying needs a friend, not to be preyed upon.

"Nor is Wei Ying. Wei Ying upheld his promises from the lantern ceremony. Lan Wangji did not. More than that," he tries, voice sticking in his throat as he turns back towards the park and squares his shoulders. "Wei Ying is my comfort as well. Failed you."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian's cheeks warm, even as a too hot lump settles in his throat. No one speaks of him kindly anymore, and Lan Wangji has said so much. "You had far more to lose, Lan Zhan," he reminds him. Lan Wangji had a clan, a family, students who followed him, a world that revered him. Wei Wuxian had radishes and a flute. "I forgive you for anything you did."

He nods, hoping it will be enough to erase the awful shame from Lan Wangji's eyes. "Please don't look so sorrowful anymore, you will break my heart." He smiles. "Come. You promised me music."

[lan_wangji]

He nods, grabbing at Wei Ying's arm and marching forward towards the park, just in case Wei Ying lets go. He likes the contact; likes that Wei Ying touches him. He's never liked that from anyone else, since his mother died.

"Can play every night if Wei Ying needs sleep, even in that place," he offers as he walks, perilously close to a stomp. "And can cook. Bring food."

He has not, in fact, learned to use any of the ridiculous things in his kitchen but there are enough spells to start fires to get around it.

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian follows easily, not wishing to exacerbate the healing wounds that stripe Lan Wangji's back. "I'm sure I can buy food," he says, knowing Lan Wangji won't like to handle meat, and Wei Wuxian has no great love of vegetables.

"It's available enough, I simply don't like the shops. But that pastry was so good..." His stomach rumbles to think of those delicious meat juices after so many days without. "For that I will brave them."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan suspects that there is a gap between Wei Ying's ability to buy his own food and the reality of it happening.

He dislikes the shops as well, artificially cold and crowded and far too colorful. Nothing looks familiar but the pastry shop had at least been manageable.

"I will bring Wei Ying more. Will bring them every time I come," he declares, stepping down a grassy slope to the small riverbed, the constant hum of the city muted and air as fresh as he has found, thus far.

"Can play for you every time," he offers, more than willing to give up his sleep and schedule in a way he has never considered, before.

[yiling_laozu]

It's an attractive offer. Wei Wuxian likes attention, and he likes Lan Wangji, but the...fervor of it is troubling. Nothing Lan Wangji is offering is untoward, but he's never shown Wei Wuxian's comfort this sort of attention before. Is it all because of the strange conviction that Wei Wuxian has died?

"You've already suffered for me," he says, looking at Lan Wangji's back. "You don't have to keep my odd hours as well." He realizes something all at once. "You were meant to be asleep hours ago!"

[lan_wangji]

He acknowledges the exclamation with a quiet hum before letting go of Wei Ying's arm to sit where the grass is the softest, moving his robes out of the way as he manifests his guqin from his qiankun pouch.

"Wei Ying should lie down," he says, running his fingers along the strings, testing their tautness. "Center yours thoughts, align your qi."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian makes an indelicate sound, not quite daring to scoff at the thought of ever aligning his anything. His power has never come from study, but from instinct, but he knows other clans are far more disciplined. To him, that's always been their problem.

He doesn't lie down, but he does settle with his back against the nearest tree. He doesn't know if this will work, but even so, it feels good to rest his weight against something. "Do you already have a song in mind?" he asks.

[lan_wangji]

He raises an eyebrow at Wei Ying's partial compliance but chooses to simply nod and pluck a first note. He does not know if Wei Ying has any memory of the song, if the fever in that cave had erased the moment.

He had shocked himself, singing a song he'd vowed would remain private, an embarrassing and shocking indulgence and the fear of losing Wei Ying yet again shores up his bravery.

His fingers start moving, the song ringing out clear around them. "Tree makes a poor pillow," he comments as he plays. "Headstones, too. Wei Ying should consider this."

[yiling_laozu]

This does earn a proper scoff. Wei Wuxian left the bed he'd carved figures into so long ago, he hardly remembers what it is to sleep in peace and comfort. When he sleeps at all, it's been on straw, the blood pool bubbling ominously nearby. A tree is heavenly in comparison.

His brow furrows for those opening notes, familiar in a way he can't quite place. Even as he tries to find the memory, the melody seems to sink past his skin, finding his bones and weighing them down. "This is," he says, lashes fluttering. "I know this."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan's face softens as he glances over, seeing Wei Ying's lashes heavier, even if he still insists on sitting so.

He does not comment on Wei Ying's reaction but it pleases him even when he ought to be ashamed of the memory, of the existence of the song, altogether.

He continues to play, fingers practiced enough to be able to watch Wei Ying, trying to gauge which parts of the song have the most desired effect, which notes to play with more or less power. He will perfect it, for Wei Ying.

[yiling_laozu]

The notes drift over him, beginning to peel back a darkness Wei Wuxian has lived with for so long. He gasps despite his sudden heaviness, surprised by the reminder of what life had felt like before he was forced to take up the Yin metal. Even with the heaviness in his limbs, he is lighter than he's been in ages. It's almost enough to make him weep.

"What is," he says, his tongue as heavy as the rest of him as exhaustion floods past the barrier that no longer stands between him and sleep. "What is it called?"

[lan_wangji]

"Will tell you another time," he murmurs, unwilling to reveal that much this early, especially not as Wei Ying needs sleep. He does not know how to reveal the name without revealing much more and that is a conversation he does not think either of them is ready for.

"Is my song. No other influence. Let go, Wei Ying."

[yiling_laozu]

His brow furrows, but Wei Wuxian is already too far under to give voice to his complaints when Lan Wangji denies him. He crumples sideways all at once, cheek pillowed in the dewy grass. It's coarse and damp, yet it feels to him like the softest pillow. He's defenseless like this, but for once, he knows that there is someone nearby who will protect him. Sighing so softly that he disturbs not a single blade, Wei Wuxian gives in and lets the blackness claim him.

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan lets out a long sigh, carefully placing his guqin closer to Wei Ying as he moves closer, easing Wei Yings face to settle on Lan Zhan's robes instead of the wet grass.

He will play all night if Wei Ying can manage to sleep that long.

Lan Zhan requires little sleep, even with his injury. It is no great sacrifice.