For Wei Ying - New Year's Eve

[lan_wangji]

This world is ridiculous. He is beginning to understand that some ridiculous thing will happen with regularity but as he delivers a sweeping kick to a group of what look very much like think cakes with sharp teeth and then fires off powerful notes from his guqin, dispelling enough of the cold inspects to make a path for a few more people to escape.

There seems to be no sense to these creatures, their origins and motivations a mystery that frustrates Lan Wangji to no end. Without understanding, fighting them is a frantic trial and error that does not always succeed. One sting on the back of his legs rendered the limb cold and pained before he managed the right combination of notes and now all he can think is that he cannot find Wei Ying.

Wei Ying's body cannot endure such cold.


He whips around, pushing back the swarm of bees approaching from the back before he ducks, some new horrid creature swooping out of the sky. "Wei Ying!" he shouts, taking the risk and leaping into the air, jumping to a clear spot and searching for a flash of red ribbon.

Comments

[yiling_laozu]

"You did," Wei Wuxian insists. "They surrounded you, I couldn't see you. You dropped your sword." He stops, throat clogged with more than angry blood. His eyes sting no matter how hard he closes them, feeling that too gentle kiss.

"You've never dropped your sword, Lan Zhan. I thought you were - " His chest is heaving, and Wei Wuxian wants to curl himself into the smallest ball he can manage with gangly limbs. "I thought - "

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji still cannot get his right arm to cooperate so he cuts the flow of energy off in favor of pulling Wei Ying close, his head against Lan Wangji's chest where he sits on the floor.

"Am sorry I frightened you," he whispers, kissing the top of Wei Ying's head and keeping his face buried in the dark hair. "Was stung many times, arm and hand are numb. That is why I dropped Bichen. Wei Ying is so cold all the time. The venom is like ice everywhere. Afraid Wei Ying's core would be overwhelmed. I'm sorry."

[yiling_laozu]

Guilt claws up the back of Wei Wuxian's throat, adding to his misery. Lan Wangji is safeguarding something that doesn't exist, operating foolishly, yes, but also without all the knowledge he needs to form a proper plan. They can't truly stand together until their understanding of one another is complete, and Wei Wuxian isn't ready.

He's not ready for Lan Wangji to look at him and truly know what he is - and no longer isn't.

"Do you think it isn't the same for me?" he asks, face pressed to Lan Wangji's neck. There has never been anyone like him in Wei Wuxian's life, and never will be again. If he loses him, he loses everything. "That you aren't singular?"

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji is not, in fact, sure that he has ever thought of it that way. He has been in love with Wei Ying, so entirely devoted for so long that he sometimes forgets that Wei Ying loves him in the same way.

Not because Wei Ying does not make him feel loved, but because Wei Ying is such a miraculous, fiery, brilliant presence that Lan Wangji can hardly believe anyone else's love could come close to his.

"Did not think of it," he admits, fingers smoothing at the hair along Wei Ying's temple. "That Seal, that power, the way you look when you wield it. Those were the last things I saw before I lost you. It is all I can see. Tried to hold onto you and I could not."

[yiling_laozu]

"I'm sorry," Wei Wuxian whispers. "There's so much I don't know." So much he doesn't want to know, but perhaps that, like his core, will have to come out eventually. "If it was anything like watching those creatures surround you, then it was agony."

Wei Wuxian pulls back, wiping his face on one of his own dirty sleeves. "You said I fell. Was it the seal? Did I faint again?"

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji wrinkles his nose as Wei Ying smears dirt and blood on his face, instead pulling back enough to wipe at Wei Ying's face with a pristine corner of his own robe.

He pushes himself up with a pained grunt, now shivering and stiff as he eases his way onto the narrow bed with Wei Ying. "Many things went wrong," he murmurs as he tries to wrap his good arm around Wei Ying. "Lost control of the Seal, I think. Not your fault. Driven to it. Was too much. You jumped. I caught you but I couldn't hold you. Watched you fall," he manages, before his voice fails him.

[yiling_laozu]

"Jumped," Wei Wuxian murmurs. He can't imagine it. He'd been so angry on his way to this battle, he remembers that much. He'd been so hungry for revenge, and the Seal had delighted in it, promising to fuel his destruction. How powerful must the Seal have become? And how could it let him lose control of it? Wei Wuxian has his limits, but he's attuned to it now. How could it leave him for another master with no idea how to wield it?

"I'm sorry, Lan Zhan," he says again, "It must have been awful." He shifts closer, wincing as his side meets ice. He feels filled with lead, but this won't do. "Lan Zhan, let me draw you a bath. You are freezing, still."

[lan_wangji]

"Wei Ying does not owe apologies, not to me," he murmurs, trying to tighten his hold in protest at the suggestion.

"You need more energy, you still look pale," he says, trying to pull away enough to start the flow of energy again, even as his own core protests the strain as it keeps trying to restore his equilibrium.

[yiling_laozu]

"I have enough for now," says Wei Wuxian, taking the opportunity to roll to the other side fo the bed, where he puts his feet on the floor. He will stand up, he will walk to the bath, he will draw one and hot, and he will make sure Lan Wangji gets in. Then he is allowed to feel awful again.

Levering himself up, Wei Wuxian walks firmly into the washroom and fiddles with the taps. "Undress."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji has several protests ready. Wei Ying does not, in fact, have enough energy not to mention the loss of blood and he would wager that Wei Ying is nearly as cold as he is simply because he always seems to be but they all die upon his tongue at Wei Ying's firm voice.

Wei Ying rarely speaks to him in such a way. In fact, no one save Uncle has spoken to him in such a way and he finds himself a little flummoxed. In the end, he chooses to obey for now, unsure about this new tone. He thinks he might enjoy it, if it weren't for Wei Ying unhappiness. He follows, undoing his hair and robes with far less grace than usual, revealing skin mottled with a startling, icy blue where the stings had landed along his arm, back and thigh. It hurts and seems to hurt more now that he has deigned to pay it attention.

"Join me," he pleads softly, standing in the doorway feeling uncomfortably vulnerable.

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian surveys him from his position by the tap. He looks awful, too pale, too blue, the fatigue evident in every part of him without the robes to hide his posture. Wei Wuxian shakes his head, but he does fold a few towels for his own knees near the edge of the tub before reaching for Lan Wangji's hand.

"It's too small," he says, longing for their proper tub at home. "But I'll be right next to you, Lan Zhan. Please get in."

[lan_wangji]

A part of Lan Wangji wants to beg, insist that two grown men could fit in the horrible, shallow tub but he resists, knowing Wei Ying is right.

All he can do is nod stiffly and lower himself down, breathing carefully through his nose at the way the water stings even as it starts to soothe some of the ache deep in his bones. Something about just that little bit of relief from discomfort makes Lan Wangji feel unraveled in a way he cannot stand and he is horrified to feel his eyes stinging and breath hitching. "I need to to take care of you," he insists even as he feels himself come unglued. "I can feed you energy like this."

[yiling_laozu]

After helping him into the water, Wei Wuxian wearily strips his outer robes, lowering himself to the ground just in time to catch Lan Wangji's hand as his breath hitches. "Shh," he shushes him, bringing the back of his cold hand to his lips. He folds it against his cheek after, cool no doubt, but warmer than Lan Wangji.

"You can't look after me if your own energy is depleted," he reminds him. "Lack of attention to yourself is how we got here in the first place."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji feels the shame of that truth deeply even spoken with kindness and love. He squeezes his eyes shut as a few tears slip out, scalding against his cold skin. "I'm sorry," he chokes out, pressing his face against his knees as he wills himself to hold it together, to stay strong and centered so he can return to a state to help Wei Ying.

"You slipped out of my hand," he says, fingers curling against Wei Ying's face. "You pulled away and I could not - it was a secondand you were gone. Can't stand to see it, again."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian squeezes his hand, wishing desperately that he could crawl into the shallow tub with him, that he could hold him and let him weep. Lan Wangji needs to be healed of those stings, but he needs to cry, too, and Wei Wuxian doubts very much that he's ever allowed himself.

"Lan Zhan," he murmurs, uncaring of the water that sloshes over the rim of the tub as he leans close enough to wrap his arms around him. "I don't want you to see it, either. I'll be careful, I promise I will."

[lan_wangji]

He allows himself to tuck his head underneath Wei Ying's chin, burying his face as he pulls himself together, wills the tears away. He swallows carefully, pushing down the tide of hysterical grief that has no place here. Here Wei Ying is alive, here Wei Ying has not jumped. Here Wei Ying has not chosen to leave him. He cannot put that on this Wei Ying. He pushes all of it deep as he has always done.

"The Seal hurts you," he whispers, telling Wei Ying nothing he does not already know. "Promise you will stop before it hurts you in a way you cannot heal from. Do not care if Wei Ying cannot fight as well. Only care about you being unhurt."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian closes his eyes. Can he fight at all without the Yin iron? He still has his wits, all his knowledge of magic that can be used even without a core. He has his will, but how much power can he channel through himself without a core to absorb it? He doesn't want to find out, but that sensation tonight, that tearing deep inside him, that frightened him.

He doesn't want to put Lan Wangji through another death.

"I'll be careful. I want to be, Lan Zhan. I won't be reckless about this, alright?" He pushes his hand into the water to stroke Lan Wangji's back. "I'm afraid of it, too."

[lan_wangji]

"I'm sorry if it seemed I did not trust you," he sighs, letting himself lean a little more heavily against Wei Ying as his hand travels up and down his back, soothing the ache and sting.

"Wei Ying saved many people, fought cleverly. Was under control before I frightened you. Promise I will do better," he says, thinking about the hours of meditation needed to sort through tonight's reaction. He cannot let such a thing happen again, cannot let his emotions be a liability.

He wonders if Wei Ying might change his mind about letting Lan Wangji try different songs for cleansing but knows enough not to voice such thoughts, tonight.

"Feel better."

[yiling_laozu]

Eyes narrowing, Wei Wuxian lifts Lan Wangji's arm. His skin has lost its bluish hue, but it's not the pink it ought to be in such warm water, and he leans forward to turn the tap and replenish some of the heat the water has lost.

"A little longer, Lan Zhan," he murmurs, lacing their fingers. "Then we can sleep." He dearly wishes it could be at their home by the river, but he'll be glad for anywhere safe to hold Lan Wangji in his arms.

After a moment's silence, he adds, "I know you trust me." It's what makes lying to him all the more shameful, one more notch in the growing post of reasons for Wei Wuxian to come clean. He swallows. "You're frightened, that's all."

[lan_wangji]

He nods against Wei Ying's neck, fighting the urge to squirm as more hot water pours in. It feels good but too good, good in a way that makes him sleepy and pliant when he ought to be diligent and ready to give Wei Ying's needed energy.

He allows himself to huff a little and stretch out his long legs as best he can in the cramped tub. He can see the main room through the open door and the soft, secret, strange lounging bed that he had been a little sad to leave behind. "Can tell Wei Ying a secret," he murmurs, dropping a sleepy kiss against his throat. "When Wei Ying was not here, I slept on that," he says, nodding towards the piece of furniture. "Soft. Tell no one."

[yiling_laozu]

Well above his throat where Lan Wangji has dropped both his secret and a kiss, Wei Wuxian's brows lift. He half wonders if Lan Wangji is inebriated, somehow - it's not so impossible, the man could smell alcohol and become tipsy - but of course it isn't so. It must be the water, relaxing his tongue along with his body.

"I won't," he promises, mouth quirked. "Though it's not shameful, Lan Zhan. It looks quite comfortable," he adds, encouraging. "I'd like to sleep there myself."

[lan_wangji]

"Wei Ying can sleep wherever he desires," he offers, eyelids growing alarmingly heavy. He must remove himself from this water. He sits up, blinking to clear his vision and starts to try to push up.

"Done," he announces to the apartment at large as he tries to fold his legs back underneath himself to stand. "Wei Ying's turn to heal."

[yiling_laozu]

Eyes wide now, Wei Wuxian also stands, ignoring the spots in his vision from a too swift journey upright. He, at least, is on solid footing and not slippery tile. "Let us dry you first," he delays, holding tightly to Lan Wangji's arm as he steps from the tub.

There aren't any clothes here to change into, but miraculously there are still sheets on the bed, ones Wei Wuxian means to drag to the lounging chaise. Holding tightly to Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian manages to flop a towel around his shoulders, rubbing hard. "Will you show me how you like to lie on it?" he asks. "I've never slept on such a bed before."

[lan_wangji]

He nods, studying Wei Ying's face for any sign that he is being teased and taking the towel from him when he finds none. He dries himself efficiently, grimacing when he realizes he has no clean inner robe to wear. He wraps another towel around his waist instead, reminding himself that this is not the first time they have slept without proper clothing. Although Lan Wangji does generally sneak out of bed and put on his inner robe after Wei Ying is asleep.

"Wei Ying should lie down against the back portion, I will sleep on the edge," he instructs softly, wanting Wei Ying tucked away and safe. "Wei Ying may not like it. It is indecently soft. Not good for proper back support."

[yiling_laozu]

"Ahh," Wei Wuxian hums, heavy in his bones even as the smile on his face lightens his spirits. Tonight was very hard, but they're alright, and he is very close to getting Lan Wangji to rest.

"It sounds strange," he agrees, fighting a yawn. "But of course we have no other option tonight. I will be very happy to sleep between Lan Zhan and the edge of the fun, new bed."