For Wei Ying

[lan_wangji]

Filling the day is not the problem for Lan Wangji. His days have been filled, all his life, with every minute accounted for. One rose at precisely 5AM, had tea and a small meal, cleaned one's self and then began morning meditations. The rest of the day was filled with physical training, studies, and practical application. After the evening meal and bath, a meditation focusing on reflecting on one's progress and behavior was completed and notes made before falling asleep at precisely 9PM.

These things can, in some way or another, be done in this place as well. The course of studies are very different as are the practical application. They are...disappointing, largely. Every day reveals some new way he is weaker and duller and unable to provide to the world what he once could. He might have been cold and not particularly liked but he was unparalleled in skill. Here, well. Here he does not know quite who he is or ought to be. Wei Ying points out often, that not all of the 3000 rules he grew up under need apply so literally. But parsing through 3000 rules, some he holds very dear, and making such determinations feels impossible some days.

The days when he cannot make those decisions, he wanders without aim. This is definitely against the rules. He likes the market, early in the morning before the crowds have descended. At this time of day it is only himself and those out gathering supplies for the day's meals. He'd rarely gone to market in Caiyi Town, disliking the bustle and the stares and the comments he was clearly meant to overhear. But no one cares who he is, here. If anyone finds his silence off-putting they do not say so. He is looking over various trinkets, bits of leather and bone fashioned into jewelry when he sees an array of combs. He does not know where the impulse comes from, only that he has hazy memories of styling Wei Ying's hair (he really must never drink again). He takes it without another thought, horrified at the lack of payment system but determined to find a way to make it up to the merchant. It is a purchase born entirely out of impulse and affection rather than need, another rule broken.

A few quick strokes with a small knife have inlaid a small protection charm, likely useless in this place but he thinks Wei Ying will appreciate it. He has no idea how he will go about giving it to him but he wraps it up in a piece of cloth and heads over to Heimdall District, feeling light and not a little unsettled.

"Wei Ying," he sends through the bizarre bracelet contraption. "Am in Heimdall. May I come to the Haus?"

Comments

[yiling_laozu]

"Well that's alright, then," says Wei Wuxian, shivering slightly as the temperature seems to drop. "I'll just stay with you." Even Lan Wangji's form across from him is no longer as clear, and Wei Wuxian turns his worried expression towards the shore.

"Lan Zhan, what is this? Some kind of warning to go no further?"

[lan_wangji]

"Mm, does seem," he murmurs, aiming the boat towards the shore to the best of his ability. It would seem to be better to try and stay towards the shore.

"Does Wei Ying want to the heed the warning or press on?" he asks, fairly certain he knows the answer. It is not against the rules, precisely, to go outside the border. The war had occurred outside of the border. But it is not encouraged. Lan Zhan will need to rely on Wei Ying to make this decision for him.

"Ahead, have been told forest changes. River changes. Always. Land is unsettled."

[yiling_laozu]

"Press on," says Wei Wuxian, touching Suibian where it rests at his side. He has to admit, after so long without, it feels good to carry his own sword again, and to wield it, even without his golden core. For a moment Wei Wuxian gazes down at it as one might an old, dear friend, then looks eagerly again to the shore.

"The land is as alive as we are," he realizes. "I hope it isn't hungry."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan feels the bump of the shore against the front of the boat and straightens again, rowing up river but attempting to the keep the shore just to their left in case they need to orient themselves.

The fog is so thick he can no longer see Wei Ying sitting across from him. It is disturbing and he hopes it clears, swiftly.

"Keep talking," he commands, wanting some tangible proof Wei Ying has not been spirited away. "Anything."

[yiling_laozu]

"Like in the forest of Dafun mountain," says Wei Wuxian, leaning out of the boat trying to see where they're going. "Lan Zhan," he says, worries crystalling over Lan Wangji. If there are obstacles in the water, Lan Wangji lacks the skill - and the vision - to avoid them, and if they overturn Wei Wuxian can't be sure he can get them both to shore.

"Find the shore. Any shore. We must get off the water until we can see."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan takes a sharp breath when the weight of the boat tips, hearing Wei Ying move around. "Wei Ying, sit up," he hisses, afraid he might not find him if he slips into the water.

"Shore is left. Must keep rowing to get out of the fog," he argues, unsure why stumbling around in the forest is better than continuing as they are. "You can row if you want," he offers, unable to argue that Wei Ying's skill is likely higher.

[yiling_laozu]

Reaching forward through the fog, Wei Wuxian finds Lan Wangji's hands and takes the oars from them, rowing hard while looking into the endless white over his shoulder. "Now you, Lan Zhan," he says, smiling despite their dubious safety. As swiftly as he's rowing, the fog has begun to lessen, but only just. "Speak to me so I know the river gods haven't taken you for a prize."

[lan_wangji]

Upon reflection, giving up the oars may have been a mistake. He furrows his brow, wishing he could see Wei Ying's face to at least convey his displeasure.

"Still here," he intones, unsure how Wei Ying is able to so easily form words around all of his rapid thoughts.

"Tell me something I do not know," he says, feeling a little bolder for the shroud around them. "Something you know from the future. Knew about whips and A-Yuan. What other things?"

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian casts a pointed glance at him, even if he can't actually see him through the fog. Lan Wangji is clever, always well mannered yet sly enough to know when an opportunity comes along. Of course he wants to take advantage of their relative concealment from one another.

"A happy thing?" he asks, "Or an unhappy one?"

[lan_wangji]

"Both," he answers, seeing just a brief flash of Wei Ying's dark hair through the slowly thinning fog before he it swallowed up again. As long as the oar movement continues, however, he knows Wei Ying is only just out of reach.

"Balanced, that way. Did not think I would have showed you the scars. Unsure what else I told."

[yiling_laozu]

"Ah," Wei Wuxian hums. "Lan Zhan didn't show me them. At least, not on purpose. You were in the cold pool without your inner robes and I saw them. Much later, your brother told me what was done to you. I still don't understand why he let them to that to you, broken rules or no. If someone tries to hurt you like that again," he says, his voice light and yet entirely serious, "I'll kill them."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan is struck speechless for long moments, not expecting such an answer. He had guessed that Wei Ying had someone seen them or heard of his punishment through rumor but that his brother...

"Brother told," he chokes, swallowing down something complicated, something he thinks might feel like betrayal but might just be his own pride. He'd have taken the scars to his grave; he'd never meant for Wei Ying to know of them.

"Not his decision to stop or not stop. I knew punishment when I fought the elders. Chose it," he says, fog lifting to reveal Wei Ying's angry face. "Chose Wei Ying."

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian won't argue again the folly of loyalty to a dead man. What's been done is done and Wangji's heart is his own. Still..."Suffering often followed in my wake," he says, more tired than regretful. Life would be so much simpler if the good could be left to live their lives in peace.

"I don't know Lan Xichen's mind," he admits, "But I believe he meant to help you, lest you suffer endlessly in silence."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan nods, gaze dropping to the water as he thinks about his brother. He misses him, very much. He would like his guidance in this new place.

"Good brother," he says, raising his eyes to trees taller and wilder than he has city just outside the city. "Didn't want you told but if Brother told it was for my good. Always tried to care for me. Did not often let him."

He'd thought for a very long time that it was out of self-sufficiency but he's quite sure it was about his own pride. He wishes he could thank him.

"What was the happy one?"

[yiling_laozu]

Wei Wuxian's mouth is open to tell Lan Wangji that he becomes Chief Cultivator, but that would mean telling him of poor Lan Xichen's heartbreak and seclusion. He thinks of telling him of Nie Huiasang's secret brilliance, but that would require telling him of Nie Mingjue's horrific death. He might tell him of how well the juniors have flourished under Lan Wangji's instruction, but that might invoke Yi City.

"My nephew," he finally says, "Shijie's son, he's grown into a fine gentleman. Headstrong and rash and prone to fits of temper, but how else could he be with that uncle of his?" Wei Wuxian smiles through the thinning fog. "He has great potential. Shijie would be proud of him."

[lan_wangji]

"Lady Jiang was very good, very kind," he says, remembering her patience with Lan Wangji, even when he had not liked Wei Ying and her indulgence after he did.

It is the thought of her that makes Lan Zhan realize he does not think he has ever spoken of her to Wei Ying, since their arrival. The thought of losing his brother in such a way is painful enough but in the context of Wei Ying having already lost so much it is far too much for one person to bear.

"I'm sorry, Wei Ying. Sorry you lost your shijie. Sorry I did not say so, sooner."

[yiling_laozu]

He hasn't expected this, and Wei Wuxian feels his eyes go hot. He looks determinedly out over the water, new strength in his arms as the oars carve through the water. "I didn't deserve her," he says. "I brought her ruin, and all she did was love me."

Sniffing once, Wei Wuxian grinds one of the oars downward so that the boat spins, sailing swiftly enough that the bow drags up the shore. They come to a lurching halt, at which point Wei Wuxian leans forward, correcting the suddenly disordered fall of Lan Wangji's robes with something like chagrin.

"Come. I want to explore."

[lan_wangji]

Lan Zhan wants to argue, wants to force Wei Ying to believe it wasn't his fault and that he deserved her and more. Wei Wuxian deserves everything good. But he can't get the words out, can't figure out how to say it and by the time he opens his mouth Wei Ying has forced the boat onto the shore and the moment has passed them by.

He nods, rising smoothly and grabbing Bichen. "Adventure," he says softly, stepping to the front of the boat to hop onto the shore. "Do not go past where I can see you."