For Ahn

[lan_wangji]

The more Lan Wangji thinks about the night of the attack, the more he realizes he perhaps ought to have handled his interaction with Lee-gonxi with more...delicacy. He realizes that perhaps Lee-gonxi is unused to bloodshed and magic and flying and that it may have all been too much without proper explanation.

He still does not know how to use the communication device supplied by the city so he simply arrives at the same door he had deposited Lee Ahn at and knocks, wondering if a letter ought to have been sent prior but unsure how to do so without relying on the same magic he does not know if is appropriate. Learning the customs of an entirely different world is overwhelming.

He folds his hands neatly behind his back and waits, sword well out of sight as he attempts to look as non-threatening as possible.

Comments

[lan_wangji]

"Am glad you told me," Lan Wangji says, setting his water down to give Lee Ahn his full attention. He hopes he does not seem as horrified as he is at the thought of such a gift.

"I am unlikely to instigate touch in any situation, but now I can be cautious of it. Do not know of magics like yours but there are some I do that have similarities," he states, mind already racing through the different methods he could offer to try and help. "Has Lee-gonxi tried meditation or any other methods to control? I could help. Know of magics to center you, help with control."

[psychometricguy]

"Oh, no, I really haven't thought about that." He's a little embarrassed to admit as much to Wangji, who so obviously has mastered controlling himself to a ridiculous degree. Ahn can barely sit still sometimes.

"I wasn't really serious about it before," Ahn admits. That is quite the understatement; he'd been ready to cheat his way through the police entrance exam using his power before Jaein had caught and stopped him. "But that man that tried to kill me, he touched my cheek and it froze me. If you can help me so that doesn't happen again, I would like that."

[lan_wangji]

He wishes that he had known sooner, wishes that he would have notice that something was disturbing a person he would like to consider a friend. He greatly wishes he was better at noticing such things, altogether.

"I will try everything I know to help," he promises, as it is all he can offer. Lee-gonxi does not have a golden core so Lan Wangji is uncertain as to the source of the power but there are ways. "Some is meditation in order to align qi, unblock meridians. Can look for the source of your power. Easier to control if you can visualize where it comes from."

[psychometricguy]

"Do you think that's something that can help?"

Meditation and aligning his qi is all so beyond Ahn, and he's not really sure why he didn't think about it before. He's never really had any reference to look to for this before, and without Sungmo to give him suggestions he's not sure which way to go.

He might as well take what Wangji can give, if only to try it and see if anything works.

"I'm not good at sitting still, but I think I can do it." Ahn thinks for a moment, then adds, "I can try to do it."

[lan_wangji]

"Wei Ying suffers from the same problem," he murmurs, face a little softer at the mention of him. "Perhaps best to try it together. Wei Ying and I differ in our approaches, unsure which would better suit you. Although despite what Wei Ying may say, meditation amplifies all methods," he finishes a little primly.

It is easier to have these sorts of conversations without interruption, he notices, glad Wei Ying cannot hear the thought.

"So, there was no one to guide you?"

[psychometricguy]

Ahn may not know Wangji too well yet, but he'd figured Sungmo's tiny expressions over time, before they had both been comfortable enough for Sungmo to be truly emotionally bare in front of Ahn. He has training in reading stone faces.

He notices the way Wangji's face changes at the mention of Wuxian....but he'll leave it alone, for now. Just because Wangji is trying to helping him.

"No, there wasn't." Ahn thinks about it, then adds, "my hyung tried, but we were mostly guessing. Nobody has powers in my world, that we know of, and I didn't know a single other soul who can do what I do."

Ahn lifts his hands and wiggles his fingers in the space between them. "These are one of a kind."

[lan_wangji]

He frowns at the thought, of Lee-gonxi younger and alone in such power. He thinks, unbidden, of Wei Ying alone as the Yiling Laozu and thinks that at least Wei Ying understood his power.

"Cannot imagine what that would have been like," he says, thinking of his own upbringing, the emphasis on formation of golden core of most importance from the earliest age. "I have never not been training for cultivation of magic. Lee-gonxi is admirably brave. Any power in such a world would be difficult. Would have found yours agonizing."

[psychometricguy]

Ahn opens his mouth to respond but finds that he has nothing to say, really. It's possibly the kindest thing he has ever heard in regards to his power, and though Wangji's is different and he obviously was brought up differently, he understands it, somehow.

He's never known what it felt like to be understood.

He ducks his head, staring at couch cushion as it blurs beneath a film of tears. "I was five years old when I got my power. My parents had just died. I didn't understand it, and nobody could tell me what was happening. They were scared when I would use it and made me feel like I was a monster. I just wanted to help people."

[lan_wangji]

He wonders at that, at the terrible coincidence of Lee-gonxi, Wei Ying and himself all losing their parents at such a young age. The confusion and sorrow is not something he could have handled along with such a terrifying revelation.

"Lee-gonxi is not a monster," Lan Wangji hisses, brow pinched in anger at the thought of such ignorance. "Magic such as ours is coveted after, prized. Should be practice and crafted to help others. If Lee-gonxi was in my land, such power would be revered."

[psychometricguy]

"Thank you." Ahn laughs a little, sniffs, and wipes his eyes with the heels of his covered hands. Sungmo had explained to him that people were afraid by what they couldn't understand, but then he'd left - and the memory of those words were not nearly enough to help face the void of loneliness that life in the orphanage became. "I felt that way for a long time. I still feel like it sometimes."

Maybe his power didn't make him a monster, but he'd certainly acted monstrous enough to Jaein because of what he'd learned with it. The memory of the last things he'd said to her had been terrible.

"You grew up training with your magic all your life?" Ahn tries to think of where he would be or what he could do now if he'd had years of training, and he can't picture it. The idea of having any sort of control over his powers still feels so ridiculously out of reach.

[lan_wangji]

Lan Wangji produces a clean, white cloth of of his qiankun bag and hands it to Lee Ahn, folding his hands neatly as he contains his anger. It reminds him too much of what Wei Ying suffered and somehow worse for thinking his powers for entirely alien.

"Mm," he affirms. "If born with ability to form a golden core, can choose to join a Clan to study. I was born into one. Uncle leads. Brother will lead, someday. It was the center of my life. The only purpose."

[psychometricguy]

Ahn takes the cloth and just holds it for a moment as he listens to Wangji's answer.

"You're like a prince," he says lightly as he dries his eyes, glad for some small bit of levity. He's not sure he can even really tease Wangji yet, but he's becoming comfortable enough to try. "You didn't do anything else? It was just studying your entire life?"

[lan_wangji]

It is not an entirely inaccurate description of his role in the Sect. He certainly had little to no choice in the course of his own life up until meeting Wei Ying and had always been certain about holding a certain amount of prestige. He feels that a detailed description of the similarities and differences would be out of place and boring to Lee Ahn so he instead nods.

"There was the practical application of studies as well," he offers, suddenly wishing he had more interesting stories to tell, more relatable like those Wei Ying tells of swimming and fishing and climbing trees. "Hunting demons, monsters. The application of the theory. But essentially, yes. Study of magic, application of magic was always to be my purpose. Wei Ying's life was more broad. Perhaps more like Lee-gonxi's."

[psychometricguy]

"Wow," Ahn mutters, taking in the mention of demons and monsters. Knowing Wangji, he means that with utter truth and Ahn has no choice but to believe it.

"So...so practical application, you mean hunting and fighting demons? Really?"

[lan_wangji]

"Mm," Lan Wangji confirms with a quick nod and lightly furrowed brow. "As needed. But the focus on the Lan Clan is study not only of magic but the mastering of one's self. Control of one's emotions," he explains, thinking that perhaps Wei Ying would be better for the description of what it is to study magic even with the inevitable half lies and exaggerations.

"Truthfully, think Lee-gonxi would have disliked my Clan. Wei Ying did. It is very...restrictive. Not all cultivators study in such ways. Wei Ying did not. Even when studying with us."

[psychometricguy]

Yes, of course Wangji fought demons as needed and moves right on past that as if he's talking about just another chore he had to do as a child. All things considered, it probably was.

"Probably," he agrees, shifting slightly so his legs don't fall asleep too soon. "I've been told I have attention issues and I'm not the best student to have." He gives Wangji a small smile. "I apologize in advance."

[lan_wangji]

"I assure Lee-gonxi that I have considerable experience dealing with such a pupil," he says mildly, feeling certain that none could be as infuriating as Wei Ying.

"If Lee-gonxi was able to, what would you want to pursue?" he asks, not having ever really given the matter much thought until now. There was never a question or an option for Lan Wangji.

[psychometricguy]

That's reassuring, and Ahn feels a little less pressure to try to be a perfect pupil - not that he really knows what that is. Maybe someone who actually listens, for once.

"Ah, recently I've been thinking about that," he says, leaning back against the couch as he relaxes a little more. "I wanted to help people with my power, like helping the police to solve crimes. I've tried in the past, but my power is too unstable. I'm no use to anyone if I can't control it or don't know what I'm seeing."

His many, many failures in the morgue trying to help made that point very clear.